you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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