Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
