i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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