Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
