...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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