The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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