If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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