Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
