I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
