so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
