UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize