You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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