i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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