we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
