College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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