That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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