we have pet lesbian snakes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
