you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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