I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
