I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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