I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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