Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
