you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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