I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize