omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
