I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
