Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
