its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
