My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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