yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
