Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
