My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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