Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
