stop calling my apartment porn island.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
