I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
