my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
