you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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