I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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