i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COCAINE IS GR8
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
