Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So here I am, sexting at work.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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