Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize