My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
