That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Buhtt sex?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
