oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
