i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
