At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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