ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
