you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.