We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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