she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
