At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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