Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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