Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.