dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
