At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.