remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch