my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering