You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
