3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
