i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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