He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
