lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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